“I don’t know about depression, I don’t know the symptoms or things like that, so I really am uncomfortable talking about that because I just don’t know enough about it.” — Lorraine Belak, (Wade’s mother) suggests that her son was suffering from depression in an interview with the CBC.
Everyone in the hockey world is reeling this week at the tragic news of the death of Wade Belak. Feelings are compounded given that it’s the third time in a few short months that we are facing this situation. As we search for understanding, many are ready to raise familiar targets to blame.
It’s relatively easy to point fingers at Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr or suggest that fighting no longer has a place in the game. While those topics are worthy of discussion, they also offer a safer haven than talking about something that most of us avoid like a plague: mental health.
Fair enough, it’s not an easy topic for any of us to handle.
The article below is a different kind of piece — it’s not yet finished. Completing it will require your participation. One of our writers, Bailey, has taken the bold step of beginning a dialogue with you.
Bailey was profoundly affected by the news of Belak’s death, and has bravely taken the opportunity to share her feelings about it in an open and personal way. We hope that you will do the same in the comments section as your contribution to this All Habs community piece. She has passed the pen and welcomes you to have a go.
written by Bailey, AllHabs.net
TORONTO — Now, I am writing this based on my own feelings right at this moment.
Not everyone will agree with me, not everyone will be on the same page as me, and that’s fine. That is the beauty and power of the written word: it can be shaped into something that becomes all our own. So while you read, just remember that I am, at the moment, writing from my heart.
The sports world has a serious problem.
Today, I woke up with the knowledge that yet another former NHLer died the day before. The early speculation is that Wade Belak had killed himself. There are other speculations that are saying that this can’t be true – that Belak was such a happy and outgoing man, that he could not have been depressed, and that it didn’t make any sense, that this man – leaving behind his family of two young daughters and his wife – would take his own life.
I think, though, people need to start looking at the bigger picture.
Mental health has been an issue that has been argued and tested and worked on, for a very long time. It’s deep and complex, and I think everyone needs to start with the basics, when it comes to mental health: not everyone works the same.
I don’t talk about this very often. It’s something that, despite the fact that I am a happy-go-lucky and outgoing person – I can be very introverted. Sometimes I am sad for no real reason whatsoever. There are days where I wouldn’t mind just sleeping forever. It can get lonely, it can get frustrating. I go through good days and bad days, and when it happens, sometimes I don’t know what caused it.
There have been times where I have been told to get over it, that I’ll be fine. There are other times where I have been able to have good conversations with people who simply asked me what was going on. That’s the biggest thing about mental health, to me- is that everyone is willing to talk about it when the occasion arises, but there isn’t enough learning going on. There isn’t enough proactive-work being done in terms of people realizing when someone needs a hand, or someone to talk to. Many are quick to blow off someone’s emotions.
Sometimes the happiest of people, can be the saddest people, too. Don’t forget that.
Now, I am not going to speculate on Belak’s mental health. I am not going to sit here and try and break down what has happened. What I want to talk about, is what can be done- what could be done – and hope that at some point, in some respect – for players past and present, to know that they are supported.
The league, the NHLPA, and all other leagues and player associations – need to start actively looking into the link between all the goings on. They need to start talking about this, bringing it to the forefront, and then actually doing something about it. I have been reading so many tweets and articles and quotes from former NHL players who have all basically said the same thing: once you’re out of the league, it’s as though you never played there at all. And that saddens me.
A player like Brent Sopel, came out and gave his own spin on that very sentiment, and I am starting to think it is true. He was part of the Stanley Cup winning Blackhawks, got shipped to Montreal, then after this year, no one picked him up- so he’s off to Europe.
Georges Laraque – whose career had been based upon being an enforcer- came to a conclusion that he no longer wanted to be an enforcer, and has not played a game since then.
It’s a scary trend that is growing at an alarming rate. It begs the question: if you can’t see the issue now, what is it going to take, to see what is going on? All these deaths, all the speculation of depression and drug abuse and mental health and sport – there is something THERE. It’s staring us down and is now looming over the NHL like a dark cloud. What worries me is that this will just be swept under the rug. That…while this is all tragic and a horrible loss, there will be no action taken, to really understand what is going on.
So, what happens next? Do we forget about this? Do we go about our lives as if nothing has happened, only remembering it, when someone brings it up in passing?
Or..
Do we start talking? Talking about mental health and it’s ups and downs, and the fact that no matter who you are, where you’re from or how happy you seem to be – that it can affect you. That it DOES affect each and every one of us in one way or another.
Coincidentally, I just wrote an article on my suggestions of a next step, with a personal contribution. Great article, Bailey. It’s a discussion that needs to be furthered.
As tragic as this news is for the hockey world, and really, professional sports as a whole, the picture is actually much, much wider in scope. I read Georges Laraque’s article in The Globe and Mail, The New Problem of the NHL, about the psychological torture that ‘tough guys’ go through daily in the NHL. It’s alarming, to say the least—but you don’t have to be a hockey fighter to endure that sort of mental anguish.
Depression and anxiety, the workings of which I think Georges described very accurately, twist your thoughts so that you are constantly in a state of distorted thinking. As Georges wrote about the psychology of the fighter, “During the season, it is continuously in your mind. You think about the next game, who you might have to fight, whether that team has a superheavyweight. It’s in your mind so much that sometimes you cannot even sleep, enjoy your kids’ company or even focus at a movie theatre.” This is anxiety at its worst; it twists your patterns of thought so that you can’t focus on much else because of your preoccupation with the many ‘what-ifs.’
It’s not only hockey enforcers who must feel the anxiety. I’m certain a good many of the players do, too. Especially now, with the salary cap, players have more pressure than ever to produce. What goalie will they face? What defencemen? What if they hit a slump? If they get moved to the third line, how will they ever work their way back up? Will they get a contract next year, or will their salary be dumped?
Now, I’m a hockey fan—a Montreal Canadiens hockey fan, to be precise—but again, it’s not only hockey that’s affected by mental health issues. It’s not even just professional sports.
Anxiety and depression can make any career, or lack of one, seem hopeless and transform any series of work-related events, even the most mundane, into a constant struggle with self-destructive thoughts and fears. A police officer may worry about the next call and about making the wrong judgement in that split-second they have to react; at the same time the rest of the world gets to dissect that reaction endlessly and with perspectives that can border on pure idiocy. A teacher might see every day as a struggle under the constant pressure of standardized testing because of his or her district’s heavy emphasis on test scores. An unemployed person begins to devalue themselves because they have no job. The career, or absence of a job, doesn’t really make a difference. It’s the thinking behind the mental health issues that are important.
And, it’s the stigma that goes along with anxiety and depression. As Bailey wrote above, there’s still a prevailing attitude that people should just be able to ‘snap out of it’ or ‘shake it off.’ Well, my friends, it’s not that simple. Until society in general begins to realize that anyone in any industry or walk of life is susceptible to anxiety and depression and that real, meaningful programming needs to be in place universally, we’re going to see these tragedies continue. Until it’s not a shame to be diagnosed with anxiety or depression, people will be afraid to step into the light. We’ll continue to see the ‘game face’ in public and believe that everything is fine, while the real agony eats away at the person in private.
Hi Bailey!
First off let me say I admire your courage not only in writing this article, but in openly discussing your own experiences as well.
There has always been a stigma when it comes to speaking about mental health, and despite the fact that we’ve witnessed three disturbing deaths over the past few months in the NHL, I too am afraid that it may get swept under the rug.
Another part of me is slightly angered as well, that there’s an outcry over mental health issues after 3 fairly prominant athletes have gone to the grave in it’s grasp. Where is that outcry for the “average person”.
I feel very strongly about what Derek wrote. This is not a discussion to be based around the NHL and it’s players alone (and even more reason why I am greatful of your work here – because you don’t do that). Millions of people suffer from this disease – occupation or lack-there-of set aside.
There are thousands upon thousands of people who excel at what they do, and they do it for decades. Then they retire and find themselves at the end of their rope. They are challenged to find their worth on a daily basis, and to look for ways to fill the void that is so suddenly in their lives.
I don’t see the companies they worked for jumping over fences or through hoops to ensure that their retired employees are mentally stable in their new environment (So I’m not sure that the NHL or NHLPA need be held responsible in the case of hockey).
I don’t know what the answer is, and I don’t know that any one person could. But collectively, the stigma behind mental health issues need to be be tackled. Awareness is a huge part of the battle. Awareness that no one is exempt from the plethora of mental health issues that plague the world.
Thanks again for this piece … I hope there are many more comments to come!
Hey guys,
First off, I want to thank you all for your responses to the article. It was a heavy one for me to write, considering it’s not something that I bring up in conversation every day, and with good reason.
It’s sad to say that mental health gets overshadowed by ignorance in these situations. Not just in the NHL, not just in sport – but on a much, much bigger scale. I have dealt with anxiety all my life. I have dealt with dark days and good days, and up until a few years ago, would not have talked about it, at all. And that, I think, is why I stayed so in the dark- it was because I never talked.
There is no one answer to dealing with mental health and the issues that it brings. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone will deal with it in the same way, so it’s not up to me, someone who is giving an opinion, to tell someone else how to deal with their own demons. I think the best thing anyone anywhere can do, is be aware. Know the signs, and…not be sensitive, because if people are like me, I HATE when people look at me as if I am going to break – but, just let them know that you’re there.
Again, it’s not just about the NHL. It’s not even just about athletes in general: this is something that needs to be talked about on all levels, and I am so glad that a few of you have shared your insights on this as well. The more people talk, the more people know. And that is what I am trying to do!
(I’m just sorry that this was a little bit late!)
Mental health, like many other diseases, is not discriminatory. It affects everyone at some point in time in their lives. It’s up to us, to start to learn WHY it happens.
Bailey
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