“I don’t know about depression, I don’t know the symptoms or things like that, so I really am uncomfortable talking about that because I just don’t know enough about it.” — Lorraine Belak, (Wade’s mother) suggests that her son was suffering from depression in an interview with the CBC.
Everyone in the hockey world is reeling this week at the tragic news of the death of Wade Belak. Feelings are compounded given that it’s the third time in a few short months that we are facing this situation. As we search for understanding, many are ready to raise familiar targets to blame.
It’s relatively easy to point fingers at Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr or suggest that fighting no longer has a place in the game. While those topics are worthy of discussion, they also offer a safer haven than talking about something that most of us avoid like a plague: mental health.
Fair enough, it’s not an easy topic for any of us to handle.
The article below is a different kind of piece — it’s not yet finished. Completing it will require your participation. One of our writers, Bailey, has taken the bold step of beginning a dialogue with you.
Bailey was profoundly affected by the news of Belak’s death, and has bravely taken the opportunity to share her feelings about it in an open and personal way. We hope that you will do the same in the comments section as your contribution to this All Habs community piece. She has passed the pen and welcomes you to have a go.
written by Bailey, AllHabs.net
TORONTO — Now, I am writing this based on my own feelings right at this moment.
Not everyone will agree with me, not everyone will be on the same page as me, and that’s fine. That is the beauty and power of the written word: it can be shaped into something that becomes all our own. So while you read, just remember that I am, at the moment, writing from my heart.
The sports world has a serious problem.
Today, I woke up with the knowledge that yet another former NHLer died the day before. The early speculation is that Wade Belak had killed himself. There are other speculations that are saying that this can’t be true – that Belak was such a happy and outgoing man, that he could not have been depressed, and that it didn’t make any sense, that this man – leaving behind his family of two young daughters and his wife – would take his own life.
I think, though, people need to start looking at the bigger picture.
Mental health has been an issue that has been argued and tested and worked on, for a very long time. It’s deep and complex, and I think everyone needs to start with the basics, when it comes to mental health: not everyone works the same.
I don’t talk about this very often. It’s something that, despite the fact that I am a happy-go-lucky and outgoing person – I can be very introverted. Sometimes I am sad for no real reason whatsoever. There are days where I wouldn’t mind just sleeping forever. It can get lonely, it can get frustrating. I go through good days and bad days, and when it happens, sometimes I don’t know what caused it.
There have been times where I have been told to get over it, that I’ll be fine. There are other times where I have been able to have good conversations with people who simply asked me what was going on. That’s the biggest thing about mental health, to me- is that everyone is willing to talk about it when the occasion arises, but there isn’t enough learning going on. There isn’t enough proactive-work being done in terms of people realizing when someone needs a hand, or someone to talk to. Many are quick to blow off someone’s emotions.
Sometimes the happiest of people, can be the saddest people, too. Don’t forget that.
Now, I am not going to speculate on Belak’s mental health. I am not going to sit here and try and break down what has happened. What I want to talk about, is what can be done- what could be done – and hope that at some point, in some respect – for players past and present, to know that they are supported.
The league, the NHLPA, and all other leagues and player associations – need to start actively looking into the link between all the goings on. They need to start talking about this, bringing it to the forefront, and then actually doing something about it. I have been reading so many tweets and articles and quotes from former NHL players who have all basically said the same thing: once you’re out of the league, it’s as though you never played there at all. And that saddens me.
A player like Brent Sopel, came out and gave his own spin on that very sentiment, and I am starting to think it is true. He was part of the Stanley Cup winning Blackhawks, got shipped to Montreal, then after this year, no one picked him up- so he’s off to Europe.
Georges Laraque – whose career had been based upon being an enforcer- came to a conclusion that he no longer wanted to be an enforcer, and has not played a game since then.
It’s a scary trend that is growing at an alarming rate. It begs the question: if you can’t see the issue now, what is it going to take, to see what is going on? All these deaths, all the speculation of depression and drug abuse and mental health and sport – there is something THERE. It’s staring us down and is now looming over the NHL like a dark cloud. What worries me is that this will just be swept under the rug. That…while this is all tragic and a horrible loss, there will be no action taken, to really understand what is going on.
So, what happens next? Do we forget about this? Do we go about our lives as if nothing has happened, only remembering it, when someone brings it up in passing?
Or..
Do we start talking? Talking about mental health and it’s ups and downs, and the fact that no matter who you are, where you’re from or how happy you seem to be – that it can affect you. That it DOES affect each and every one of us in one way or another.