by Mike, AllHabs.net

The scene opens to the familiar setting of the Bell Sports Complex in Brossard, Quebec. It is early morning and the players are just arriving. Cars can be seen pulling up to the massive building, the camera spots several players exiting their cars nodding at each other and exchanging greetings as they walk lazily to their first practice after a two day break.

*Cuts to talking head*

Jacques Martin: Of course they deserved a break; they won back to back games against divisional opponents! The season is a marathon, not a sprint and I need to make sure my players are well rested. I‘m sure they took the time to rest up and not do anything strenuous.

*Cuts to club ‘Buona Notte’*- Loud music is pumping in the background the camera is shaky; several players can be seen at a table crowded with tons of people.

P.K. Subban: WAITER! ANOTHER BOTTLE OF PATRON! WE ABOUT TO GET CRAZY UP IN THIS BITCH!!!

*Cuts back to talking Head*

Jacques Martin: *Smiling* I feel good about it!

*Cuts to opening credits*

Scene opens to show the players getting dressed in the locker room getting ready for another day at work. Some are conversing, some are silent. The camera shifts to Scott Gomez and Brian Gionta who are in the middle of a conversation.

Scott Gomez: ….and then I shot the Moose right before it walked onto the train tracks!

Brian Gionta: So you’re telling me that while you went to Alaska on our two day break you went hunting, got wasted, and shot a moose right before it was going to wander onto some train tracks?

Scott Gomez: Yes. Did I mention that there was a train coming and if the Moose walked onto the tracks it would have been killed? I saved its life!

Brian Gionta: Wait can we back up? How long were you in Alaska?

Scott Gomez: Six Hours. Totally worth it. Back to my heroism please!

Brian Gionta:Wow….ok…you Killed the Moose! You didn’t save its life…If anything you saved the hundreds of lives of the people on the train!

Scott Gomez: Well it was a train full of Wheat so…

Brian Gionta: Oh…

Scott Gomez: And I saved two to three people the job of cleaning up the moose off of the front of the train!

Brian Gionta: I guess but…

Travis Moen: Sorry Scott, did I hear that you saved a train full of wheat?!

Scott Gomez: Why yes Travis…yes I did.

Travis Moen: Bless you….bless you.

*Cuts to talking head*

Travis Moen: I’m from Saskatchewan…I love Wheat.

*Cuts back to scene*

Scott Gomez: See Brian? People care about Wheat.

Gomez and Moen walk away conversing about the event.

Brian Gionta:….I like Wheat.

The Camera pans over to Josh Gorges and Carey Price.

Josh Gorges: I don’t care Carey, I’m never going fishing with you again.

Carey Price: Why not? It was so much fun!

*Cuts to talking head*

Josh Gorges: It was not fun

*Cuts back to scene*

Carey Price: We talked…

*Cuts to Carey Price and Josh Gorges on a rowboat in the middle of a lake* they are facing each other but aren’t saying a word. In the distance you can hear some Ducks quacking.

Carey Price: Did you say something?

Josh Gorges: It was the Ducks again Carey.

Carey Price: Oh.

*Cuts back to scene*

Carey Price: We caught so many fish!

*Cuts to talking head*

Josh Gorges: We caught a tire. Who throws a tire in a lake?

*Cuts back to scene*

Carey Price: And we laughed until our sides split!

*Cuts back to Price and Gorges fishing*

Carey Price: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…

Josh Gorges: How is ‘I think I want to go home’ funny to you?

Carey Price: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH We’re best friends!

*Cuts back to scene*

Josh Gorges: Were we on the same trip?

Carey Price: Oh Joshy, I love you too.

Josh Gorges: I miss Halak.

*Cuts to talking head*

Mike Cammalleri: *looks dejected* Well, as you know I have been trying to eradicate Brian Gionta from this team so I can be named its Captain. My exploits thus far have been unsuccessful. I tried scaring him to death in Buffalo.

*cuts to a dark hotel room, Brian Gionta walks out of the bathroom and walks to his bed. He pulls the blanket off the bed…*

Mike Cammaller: BOO!

Brian Gionta: Go to bed Mike.

Mike Camamlleri: ….fine.

*Cuts back to talking head*

Mike Cammalleri: I tried to physically injure him before the allergy thing in Quebec City.

*Cuts to Collisée Pepsi during the Habs Islanders Game*

Mike Cammalleri tries to Slash Brian Gionta but he moves out of the way at the last second and hits Nino Niederreiter instead.

*Cuts back to talking head*

Mike Cammalleri: And my latest attempt was…blunt…to say the least.

*Cuts to Mike Cammalleri and Brian Gionta at dinner*

Mike Cammalleri: Pleeeeeaaaaaaaaassee?

Brian Gionta: No.

Mike Cammalleri: Awww.

*Cuts back to talking head*

Mike Cammalleri: So I’ve decided to take a break from the project for a while, give my mind a rest and see what I can come up with in the future.

Cammalleri’s expression softens, he begins to choke up, he brings his fist to his mouth and takes in a deep breath.

Mike Cammalleri:*sniffs* I need a moment.

*Camera cuts to the Bell Centre just before the Habs game against the New Jersey Devils*

The players are out on the ice; Michel Lacroix is announcing the starting lineup.

Michel Lacroix: …Number 75….SLOWY McCANTSKAAAAATE!

Hal Gill: The Eff?

*Cuts to talking head*

P.K. Subban: I paid him 300$ and told him I would take the blame. What are they going to do to me? I’m P.K. Subban.

*End Credits roll!*

Did you miss the first episode?  Read “The Habs” -Season Premiere.