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SATIRE | ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas in Habsland

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SATIRE | ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas in Habsland

By J.D. Lagrange, Senior Writer, All Habs Hockey Magazine

TherrienChristmas

What better than a Christmas story at this time of year… even for Habs’ fans going through a rougher stretch.

PENTICTON, BC. –

Twas the night before Christmas, when at the Bell Centre
Not a soul was stirring, not even a trainer.
The jerseys were hung by the lockers with care,
In hopes that the stink soon wouldn’t be there.

The players were resting while clearing their heads,
While visions of wins made them wet their beds.
The sign “NO EXCUSES”, printed in all Caps,
Still hangs in the room serving as a road map.

When out in the media there arose such a clatter,
All sprang to the wed to see what was the matter.
Coming from out west it flew like a flash,
Another damned rumour to throw in the trash.

The Flyers traded Simmonds, little did they know
It is ‘a done deal’, some claimed in their glow.
When, what to our wondering eyes should appear,
But people offering Chucky, they are drunk on beer.

With a little ol’ coach, so hated although Canadien,
We knew in a moment it must be Therrien.
In a broken English he had planned his game,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Subby! now, Marky! now, Pacioretty and DD!
On, Petry! On, Pricy! on, on Gally and Chucky!
To the top of the division! to the top of the standings!
Now have a vision! Improve our rankings!”

Supported by Bergevin his fashion on the fly,
Therrien’s job is safe, even if fans cry.
They’ll turn things around by winning a few,
With Zamboni full of joy, and Therrien too.

And then, in a twinkling, there will be a trade,
While not unanimous, it will be an upgrade.
Just forget the rumours, forget the hearsay,
They’re toying with you, like a cat with its prey.

Whether it’s Simmonds, Johansen or Stamkos,
It’s bound to cost more than a box of Mentos.
When the dust settles, all fans will be back,
On the bandwagon they’ll go just like a wolfpack.

Price will spring to his net, to his team give a whistle,
And away they will fly like the down of a thistle.
And Therrien will exclaim, on their way to the Cup,
“Happy Hockey to all, and to all a good fight!”

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J.D. is a Senior writer for All Habs as well as Associate-Editor for the French version Le Magazine All Habs, while one of three Administrators of the fan forum Les Fantômes du Forum. He has created the handle Habsterix as a fictional character for the sole purpose of the internet. It is based on the cartoon Asterix of Gaule and his magic potion is his passion for the Montreal Canadiens. How old is he? His close friends will tell you that he’s so old, his back goes out more than he does! He was born when Béliveau lifted the Cup and remembers the days when seeing the Habs winning was not a wish, it was an expectation. For him, writing is a hobby, not a profession. Having moved to beautiful British Columbia in 1992 from his home town of Sherbrooke, Quebec, he started writing mostly in French to keep up his grammar, until non-bilingual BC friends pushed him into starting his own English Blog. His wife will say that he can be stubborn, but she will be the first to recognise that he has great sense of humour. He is always happy to share with you readers his point of views on different topics, and while it is expected that people won’t always agree, respect of opinions and of others is his mission statement. || J.D. est Rédacteur-Adjoint sur Le Magazine All Habs et il est un Rédacteur Principal sur le site anglophone All Habs, tout en étant un des trois Administrateurs du forum de discussion Les Fantômes du Forum. Il a créé le pseudonyme Habstérix comme caractère fictif pour l’internet. Celui-ci est basé sur Astérix de Gaule et sa potion magique est sa passion pour les Canadiens de Montréal. Lorsqu’il est né, Jean Béliveau soulevait la Coupe Stanley et il se rappelle des jours où gagner n’était pas un espoir, mais une attente. Pour lui, écrire est un passe-temps, pas une profession. Ayant déménagé dans la superbe Colombie-Britannique en 1992 en provenance de sa ville natale de Sherbrooke, Québec, il a commencé à écrire en français pour garder sa grammaire, jusqu’à ce que ses amis anglophones ne réussissent à le convaincre d’avoir son blog en anglais. Son épouse vous dira qu’il est têtu, mais elle sera la première à reconnaître son grand sens de l’humour. Il est toujours fier de partager avec vous, lecteurs et lectrices, ses points de vue sur différents sujets, et quoi que les gens ne s’entendent pas toujours sur ceux-ci, le respect des opinions et des autres est son énoncé de mission.