Written by Craig “Frenchie” McFarlane, Special to AllHabs.net
TORONTO, ON. — OUCH!!! That one really hurt, eh? Habs enter the third period with a 3-1 lead and blow it with a shootout loss to Canucks! UGLEEEE!!! We are now getting from TSN & THE SCORE that the familiar aroma of burning tar in a giant cauldron outside Centre de Bell and the shrieking cries of pigeons as their feathers are being plucked for the inevitable “Tarring & Feathering” au revoir to GM “Bob Lite” and coach Jacques “Monsieur Sominex” after tonight’s debacle. No word however, on a supposed “drawing and quartering” party after the tar & feathers!!
Will someone please tell me and the 1,000,000’s of Hab Nationites out there what kind of a defensive system does a (supposed?) NHL coach order his team to play that continuously does NOT work? Just how strong does he consider a 3-1 lead to be……..and then only five shots on goal in third period, and one shot in overtime? That is six shots in 25 minutes of play, then to make it worse, no goals on three shots in the shootout…….does he also play his defensive system in the shootout? Hmmmm……….
La Famille Molson better not get too complacent either, a boycott of their products during Christmas – New Year’s will not help the fiscal bottom line, n’est-ce-pas? Six shots in 25 minutes. !!! Lay ya 6-5 on a 2-4 that even Stevie Wonder could get at least three shots on net in 25 minutes.!!! Hey coach! we’re the Hab Nation/le Nation de Habs!! We win with “firewagon hockey”; we do NOT win with “New Orleans Funeral March” hockey!! Capiche?
Now we know why Habs management was not happy with recent realignment plans for next year; they don’t want to be in same division as Boston, Toronto, Ottawa, etc……oh non, they want to be in a division where a 3-1 lead in third period is good enough to defeat teams like CNIB, retired NHLPA and the Sledge Hockey All-Stars!! On the other hand, maybe they should stop tweeting Paulina Gretzky’s hot photos during the second intermission, concentrate on maybe getting, let’s say, 10-15 shots on net and perhaps “put the game away”? (check out Paulina’s latest shots on BroBible.com ca c’est chaud! chaud! chaud! If she lived in Canada she’s get “two minutes for thigh-schticking”!!)
“Uhhhh……..coach, were there any “positives” you could take outa the 4-3 loss to Canucks tonite”? “Uhhh…….yes, there were three big “positives”, No. 1 we held them to only five shots in overtime, No. 2 we held the Sedins to only one point in 25 minutes of hockey, and No. 3 we held them to only one goal in the shootout”! Not bad, eh”? We call that “tres magnifique” at Centre de Bell HQ”!!! Ever get the feeling that Martin’s “system” will guarantee us at least one point a game for 82 games? So, is that so bad mes chums? Can’t wait for Martin to start doin Jim Mora impression: “playoffs? playoffs? what the &^%$ are the playoffs”? We play NOT to WIN the game, we play to TIE the game and get that very important point”!
Does anyone know why the power went out during Habs practice on Wednesday? Is that that same power that has gone out in their non-existent power-play? Now at about 9 per cent? Like one goal in 40 power-play attempts? The headlines said: “Habs are in the dark…….ya know, we just might have a surplus of “dark” jokes du jours here. I got a feeling that even BC’s logging forest does not have enough paper for all the jokes!! As my pal Allen Iverson once said: “practice? practice? in the dark? it’s only practice!!!
We’re hearing rumours already tonight after the horrible, disheartening 4-3 loss to Canucks that Habs management is contemplating changes to both the coaching and general manager parts of the team………then do it, Geoff Molson or Bob Gainey, or somebody!! If ya have to bring in Patrick Roy, then do it! If the coach cannot parlez le Francais, then so what? The pucks that go into the opposition’s net don’t care about the language that the coach speaks, and Le Parti PQ should not have a say in their coaching decision. Jacques Martin is too boring for Montreal, and that’s the God’s truth! Ya wanna know just “how boring he is”? Okay, his brother-in-law is, get this, Joe Clark! That, mes amis, is how boring he is!!!!
Vive la Club de Hockey Canadien! vive le nouveau coach, et vive le “firewagon hockey”!!!
Your correspondent Craig “Frenchie” McFarlane is a professional comedian/slash/comedy writer/slash/producer/slash/after-dinner speaker (end of slashes, and it’s about time!!) “Frenchie” also runs The Comedy Pro Shop Agency in Toronto and is available along with his top comedy pals for all “live” events, golf tournaments, sports celeb. dinners, roasts, corp. Xmas parties, etc……(www.frenchiemcfarlane.bravehost.com)
