Written by Craig “Frenchie” McFarlane, Special to AllHabs.net
TORONTO, ON. — V-Day! V-Day! V-Day! Les Habs win one for the “Gipper”, 6-2! In Bytown even! What a relief, eh? That victory, along with our annual Christmas peace period (6-7 days) in Montreal has made for a tres, tres tranquille Lower Canada. More thanks to Team Canada Juniors for bringing our country together, as it always does year after year after year. More kudos to Justin Bieber from the comedy community (in a very slow period) for showing at a Maple Leaf practice. Hey! listen mes chums, don’t laugh, eh? Last year he would’ve made the team!
Is anyone else out there aware that in the past 4-5 days or so there’s two hockey players out there who have more points than “No-Go” Gomez? Yes, Cam Ward of the Canes has a goal and Team Canada Junior’s goalie Scott Wedgewood garnered an assist in the 5-0 shellacking of the Czechs on Wednesday night. An observation from the WJC so far: doesn’t Habs’ pick Brendan Gallagher look like “Le Nouveau Roadrunner?” Just too bad he couldn’t bring along Mark “Stone Cold” Stone with him to Les Habs camp next season? Why can’t “Dealmaker supreme, Bob Lite” make a deal to get him over to Les Habs game in Florida on Thursday night? I mean Team Canada is only playing Denmark. I saw the Danes lose 11-3 to Team USA the other night, and I’d say that movie star Claire Danes could’ve put up a better fight than these Danes! He could be back with Team Canada for the New Year’s Eve game vs. the Yanks. C’mon, “Boob Lite” (typo there?) make it happen!
Once again, Prime Minister ‘Steve’ Harper showed up at a big hockey game albeit in the same old boring Moore’s sport jacket and Arrow shirt, those defunct Mark’s Work Warehouse slacks and Wal-Mart Wallabees. Couldn’t Hockey Canada get him a comp. Team Canada sweater and maybe a matching red “poor boy” cap? If you’re looking for a laugh on New Year’s Eve game between Team Canada and Team USA, take a gander at the USA coach; he’s a a dead ringer for David Letterman.
Living here in Toronto we don’t get the TSN Habs games, but I could not help staring at Senators coach MacLean during the hi-lights; anyone out there remember G. Gordon Liddy from the Watergate Scandal? Also noticed that both P.K. and Eller scored a goal each after being healthy scratches the game before. Hmmmm, anyone else thinking the same way I am right now? Yeah, that’s what “Bob Lite” might suggest to Coach Cunning-worth: “we’ll healthy scratch the whole team for one game, bring up the Bulldogs from Hamilton and let them play one game, then bring back the team and they’ll probably all score a goal!” Such utter brilliance, “Bob Lite!” (note to editor: yes, I am smoking the same stuff that “Bob Lite” was smoking when he traded for Cab Calloway — I mean Kab Kaberle!) P.S. last time I was a “healthy scratch” my ex got very suspicious — guess that’s why she’s my ex?
Did anyone read on Wednesday where Leaf coach Ron Wilson is now making light of the Cunneyworth coach situation? Yeah, he was in Florida and said he heard a lot of Spanish being spoken in the stores, so perhaps the future Panthers’ coach might have to speak Spanish? Isn’t he just *&^%$#@ hilarious? Wait till he signs another extension for the 2014 season; he’ll then find out that the Leaf coach will have to be able to speak to the fans and the media in Punjabi, Somali, Bollywood and Jamaican Patoise!
Maybe “Ol Chuckles” Wilson should take a look at those tapes of Justin Bieber on his penalty shots vs his goalies; he scored twice that day, three times if ya count his hottie gal pal, Selena Gomez! As the venerable Bob Cole would say: “Oh Baby! Oh Baby! Oh Baby! Baby! Baby!” And, why doesn’t Habs management do something like that? Ya know, if the Leafs can bring in The Bieb for a practice, then maybe they can bring in say, Rene Simard? Is he still around? I can see the page one headlines in Le Journal de Montreal if The Bieb showed up at a Habs practice: “LE BIEB EN MONTREAL? INACCEPTABLE”!
And, one more item we in the comedy community were recently deprived of, yes, the dropping of charges for Mike Milbury’s beef in Boston! Hmmmm. Ya figure maybe Jeremy Jacobs has connections in the Massachussets judicial system too? Or, as the late Johnny Cochrane once said to the jury: “if his shoe did not hit, then you must acquit!”
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Your correspondent Craig “Frenchie” McFarlane is a professional comedian/slash/comedy writer/slash/producer/slash/after-dinner speaker (end of slashes, and it’s about time!!) “Frenchie” also runs The Comedy Pro Shop Agency in Toronto and is available along with his top comedy pals for all “live” events, golf tournaments, sports celeb. dinners, roasts, corp. Xmas parties, etc……(www.frenchiemcfarlane.bravehost.com)